A member of our Good Grief Group, for people whose loved ones have died while under the care of the hospice, has used the experience to rekindle his passion for writing poetry.
Geoff Barnbrook first came into contact with the hospice in February when his wife Angie – who was receiving cancer treatment in hospital – came here to receive care at the end of her life. Although she was only at the hospice for a few hours, Geoff said the peaceful and caring environment made a big difference in her final moments.
He was offered bereavement counselling, and when that came to an end, the opportunity to join the group where members share their experiences and offer mutual support to others in the same situation.
He said: “In then end, Angie was only in the hospice for a few hours, but I was so relieved that she got to die here and I was impressed by what you were able to do for her, even in such a short time. Both myself and our daughter could be with Angie for as long as we wanted, and there was just the general air of peace here that she wouldn’t have had in the hospital. They handled things like the undertaker as well so really it made life so much easier for us.
“I had individual therapy with Julie for about 12 weeks and then she recommended the Good Grief Group, and that has been really valuable. Angie had been the driving force behind most of our socialising so quite apart from the fact I’d lost her, I also lost the sort of engine behind us going out and doing things. The group has been very good for me because you get that social interaction with people I’d never otherwise have met.”
Geoff, a former university lecturer in English, added that the group provided a safe, non-judgemental space where members could talk about their feelings with others who understood what they were going through. And that sparked a revival in his interest in writing poetry which he had enjoyed in the past but not done for some time.
“Being with people where you don’t have to make any allowances or pretend you’re feeling better than you are is a big help,” Geoff added. “You can talk, and everyone understands and doesn’t judge. Every week is different and we don’t always know what we’re going to talk about at the start but you find really fundamental things being gone into.
“Coming to the group has also reactivated my poetry writing. I used to write a bit in my younger days, and probably carried on into my 30s but it was very sporadic, and now suddenly I find I’m doing it all the time, which in itself is a useful form of therapy. I started off writing about grief and loss, but it’s now starting to expand into other areas too. My wife wasn’t very keen on my poems but that’s probably because they were very depressing – they are starting to get a bit more cheerful now, so I wish she was still around to hear them.”
Geoff’s poem, simply titled ‘The Good Grief Group’, starts out speaking about the difficulties of death and grief but ultimately ends on a hopeful note as the interaction with the group allows the narrator to see the positives in life once again.
The Good Grief Group
The pit sits in the middle of my being
The lack you left behind you, the abyss
Where life whirlpools away, where joy drains out.
And being with people’s hard. To talk to them
I need to turn away from you, resist
The deadly tug into those spinning depths,
And keep the desolation from my face.
But once a week I get the chance to look
As deeply as I want, with others’ eyes
Sharing the beauty of the endless pain
Sharing the massive trivia of mourning.
The pit’s still there, dead centre, nothing’s changed,
Except that, looking now, sometimes I see
Flickering, round that dreadful, direful spinning,
The vast and casual glory of our life.
