Anna Sim has shared her story about the care Birmingham Hospice gave her husband Murray, in his final moments. This is her story, in her own words:
We weren’t expecting that my husband Murray would use the hospice. After a few years in remission, his cancer had returned and this time they told us there was nothing more they could do for him.
We had initially visited the hospice simply so they could help us with the paperwork for a blue disabled badge for the car – but it turned out to be the most pleasant surprise.
We actually live just around the corner from the hospice in Erdington and had walked past it a thousand times but never set foot inside. We found it wasn’t like a hospital at all, but warm and homely, full of smiling faces.
The lovely nurse who saw us said, ‘Would you like a tour?’ and so of course we said yes, and she showed us round. On the way home Murray said, ‘Do you know, I could see myself going in there.’ Knowing the hospice could look after him gave him great comfort.
He had a few months at home with us first, me looking after him most of the time but with help from our daughters when they were home. But, I needed more support and it was then that we decided it was time to call the hospice. The community nursing team came in and worked out all the things Murray would need, like a special bed and mattress and we turned our dining room into what became his bedroom.
It was exhausting; as his condition worsened, he’d need more help more often. Towards the end, I was hardly sleeping and it got too much. We knew he needed to go into the hospice and, wonderfully, there was a space available.
We arrived to find they had given Murray one of their big, spacious rooms, all for himself. All his close family were able to come and see him – and we spent most days with him, talking, holding his hand, looking out into the beautiful gardens.
What was so reassuring was that they spoke to Murray, asked him what he wanted – instead of asking us, which happened a lot when he was in hospital. He was the focus, and their goal was to give him the chance to make his own choices, make his own decisions.
The care the nurses offered was just amazing, so calm, so skilled, so much knowledge. They made us feel totally reassured that he was in the right place – and for us that meant we could stop being his carers and go back to being his wife and daughters, just for those final days.
The four days he spent there are now some of our most special memories. We were with him when he died – and we will always be grateful to the dedication of those incredible nurses for giving us those final, precious days with him.
In the two years since Murray passed, we have been actively fundraising for Birmingham Hospice – because we want to be part of the community that makes their care possible for other families like ours. None of us know when we might need them.
We weren’t sure about attending Light up a Life last year, but I’m so glad we went. It was really comforting to be around other families going through the same experience.
We will definitely be taking part in Light up a Life again this year. It’s going to be emotional – but we know we will be amongst friends, in a safe place with people who know how we are feeling.
Find out more about Light up a Life.
