Birmingham Hospice is not just here to support the patients under our care – we are also here for their family and other loved ones both during and after their time with us.
Derek Kinahan’s wife Anna was cared for by the Hospice at Home team in the last weeks of her life, and he has since kept up his connection with us by attending our Stepping Stones group – an informal meeting place for bereaved adults who may be feeling lonely or isolated, who would benefit from meeting others in the same situation.
Stepping Stones is run by our Wellbeing Team volunteers who are trained and experienced around the needs of bereaved people. After attending sessions at the hospice, the hope is that members will continue to meet up with each other to offer mutual support.
Derek said: “When Anna was diagnosed with cancer back in June 2022, it came completely out of the blue. The type of cancer she had, nasopharyngeal cancer, behind nose and ear, and into the base of the skull is very rare in the UK, and only affects six or seven people a year here.
“Anna had radiotherapy and chemotherapy and the scans showed that the initial cancer was removed, but it spread to other parts of her body. She was kept in hospital for five weeks or so, and it became clear things weren’t going the right way and nothing was helping. They said they’d done everything they could but couldn’t get it under control, which was heartbreaking for us to hear. They talked about Anna going into the Inpatient Unit in Erdington but she was adamant she didn’t want that, and wanted to come home.”
Anna was supported by the Hospice at Home team, who came out for around four weeks, helping Anna with her personal care, then after Anna died, our Community Team put him in touch with our Counselling service.
Derek added: “We’d already been speaking to Rachel from the Community Team, and when Anna was leaving hospital, she got her set up with the Hospice at Home nurses. Anna was a very proud person and it wasn’t easy for her having that kind of care, but the people that came in were absolutely brilliant.
“After Anna died, there was a lot of anger there – we’d been married for 31 years and it was a lot for me to deal with, and the last thing I wanted was for anger to build up and come out at the wrong time. Rachel referred me to the Wellbeing Team and then I met Jackie, one of the counsellors, who was very nice, very helpful, and I went to her eight or nine times until I reached the point where I didn’t think there was much more we could go over. But I really appreciated everything she did and it definitely helped me.”
After the counselling came to an end, Derek found out about the Stepping Stones group, which allowed for continued support in a less formal setting.
“I noticed a post on Facebook about someone who’d been to the Stepping Stones group and I wasn’t sure about it – I actually asked my daughter, and she said why not give it a try? There were about half a dozen of us, plus Chris and Carole from the hospice, and we just sat and chatted for two hours, sharing our experiences and things we do that help us.
“It’s very informal – just a cup of tea and a chat, but these are things I can’t talk about with anyone else. My son and daughter are going through the same as me, and I don’t have any other family, so to have people I can talk to who are slightly detached from it, although have been through similar things themselves, is a great help.
“One thing I said to the group early on – if you’ve lost your partner, you’re going to feel like you’re on your own a lot. When I’m at work, my mind is occupied, but when I finish work, I’ve got lots of time on my own and there’s only so much TV you can watch and reading you can do. I was struggling to pass the time, and my daughter suggested I try painting. I laughed at first – I’ve never painted in my life – but she said I’ve always had a steady hand and we found these paint by numbers kits online where you can turn a favourite photograph into a portrait. It took me 50 hours, an hour or two here and there, and I really enjoyed that. I took that to the group and a couple of people said they’d give it a go, so it’s just bringing little ideas like that.”
Derek said his experiences of the past few months had really brought home how important the hospice was to the city and how many people’s lives it touched.
He added: “I think people almost take it for granted how good it is that something like that is available to you; for people of my age group in Birmingham, I bet most of them know someone who’s been looked after by the hospice in some way. That’s why it’s such a vital part of the community, and I can’t stress that enough.”
